Emotional Change

Deciding to become a father is, without doubt, one of the most important decisions you are likely to make in your life. Regardless of your age, or whether or not you are married, having a baby will affect your life dramatically in a number of ways.

Entering parenthood will offer new social, emotional and financial challenges. You may find that there are some obstacles to overcome and some problems and difficulties that need to be ironed out but the joy and excitement that comes from having your own child can make it a very rewarding experience.

Becoming a father is deeply emotional. When you first hear that your partner is pregnant you may feel great pleasure and pride in yourself as a man and look forward to taking on the new role and responsibilities of fatherhood. In the early weeks of pregnancy, the physical reality of the pregnancy will be more immediate and real to your partner, as rapid and dramatic changes take place within her body.

It may take a little longer for you to take in the fact that you are going to become a father. When you do, the reality of the pregnancy, whether planned or not, can come as quite a shock as you begin to reflect on the impact it will have on your life.

Potential Problems and Communication

Although apprehensive about the new challenges and responsibilities, you may feel proud and delighted. On the other hand, many men find the transition to parenthood difficult and it is not unusual for a man to feel isolated and left out.

Some men may even suffer from depression, particularly if they do not understand their own feelings and find it difficult to communicate with their partner, family or friends. In these circumstances, men often become preoccupied with work or outside interests and retreat emotionally into themselves. This creates misunderstanding and can cause a rift between the man and his partner.

Perhaps the best way of dealing with impending fatherhood is to acknowledge it as a time of great change and accept that you are likely to have conflicting and intense emotions to deal with as you come to terms with what is a major life transition. If you openly share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, you will encourage her to do the same as there is no doubt that she will also be experiencing conflicting emotions.

Role of the Father in Pregnancy and Birth

Throughout the world men differ in the degree of involvement they have in pregnancy and childbirth. In recent years men have generally become more actively involved but some are still more comfortable as observers from the sidelines and this is fine as well.

Active involvement may include accompanying your partner to antenatal appointments, attending antenatal classes and being present during labour to provide important emotional support. In some cases, men are more interested in parenting than their partners. They may have strong opinions and preferences about the way in which children should be born and will participate in all preparation and decision-making during pregnancy and birth.

Financial Implications

The financial implications of parenthood are often underestimated. Having a baby is going to involve new expenses and financial constraints with the temporary loss of your partner’s earnings or the cost of childcare. There is also the cost of providing suitable housing for your family and other essential items your child will require.

These new demands – especially if you have to take on more work or have to work overtime – may lead to feelings of tension, anxiety and even depression in some men. It will be a great help to you if you can find a way to see things in perspective and not become overwhelmed.

Your Feelings About your Baby

Even though you may feel proud and delighted that your partner is pregnant you may have some concerns about how the presence of your new baby will affect your lives. There is no doubt that, for a number of years, your movements and decisions will have to be adapted to the needs of your child. It will be more difficult to be spontaneous, outings or events will need more careful planning and, for some parents, this leads to conflict.

You may also be concerned about how you will be able to relate to your child. Some men may already be quite familiar with babies but for others it may be the first time they have encountered one. Some men may never have held a baby, let alone fed one or changed a nappy.

It is important to remember that your relationship with your baby begins long before birth. He/she will be able to hear your voice and feel your touch in the womb and will recognise and be soothed by your presence after birth. During the later months of pregnancy, as your baby grows, you will be able to feel his/her movements.

You may find it interesting to accompany your partner to her antenatal check-up, where you may be able to hear your child’s heartbeat or see your child on an ultrasound scan.

If you have no experience at all of babies it would be beneficial if you could have some contact with friends or relatives’ children, which may give you a more realistic sense of what it is going to be like once your child is born.

Your Relationship with your Partner

One of the most important adjustments that you may have to make is to the changes and fluctuations that pregnancy can introduce into your sex life. Once pregnancy has been established, your attraction for one another and your sexual needs and desires may alter and you may need to explore new ways of expressing your love and affection. Your relationship with your partner is likely to change once there is another person to include in your lives.

During your partner’s pregnancy, you may feel somewhat neglected as she becomes increasingly absorbed in the child growing within her. These feelings may become more acute when your baby is born. You may feel excluded because childbirth and caring for a baby in the early weeks is chiefly the mother’s concern.

Furthermore, people tend to pay more attention to the mother and tend to ignore or neglect the father’s needs. It is both common and normal for a man who is delighted to become a father to also feel a little jealous of the baby and to perhaps feel envious of his partner’s role in the birth. However, if you experience intense or persistent feelings of anger or jealousy find some way of discussing this with your partner or with a friend.

Try to remember that, although your partner provides the essential primal environment that your child needs during pregnancy, your presence and support are also vitally important to the wellbeing of your baby and partner. During the labour and birth your help can make all the difference and you can also provide your partner with vital encouragement and support in the early months of motherhood.