It is important to teach your child appropriate behaviour as early as possible before negative influences alter good behaviour patterns. Remember that an essential part of this process is praising your child when they do something right.

Early discipline

Discipline should be applied first with your tone of voice, later by the word 'no', then by trying to distract your child from what they are doing, and only finally with very mild punishment. Smacking, threats and withdrawal of pleasures have no place in disciplining very small children.

Before he/she is three, your child cannot respond to reason and still cannot grasp the connection between cause and effect. They will understand that they have done something wrong or that you are angry with them but it will take them some time to remember to connect a particular action with a particular outcome.

For this reason it is important to point out a mistake to your child immediately so that they can link the action with the punishment. It is also important to be aware that your child has a short memory so if you brood over your anger and act later they will not know why you are angry. Therefore, they will not learn from your attempts at correction.

During your baby's first year there are very few reasons to say 'no'. Keep rules to a minimum and only say 'no' if the baby is doing something that is dangerous to him/herself or to others. Always offer an explanation of why you are stopping your child from doing something, e.g. because it is not safe. Later you can make simple rules for your child. Start with a few 'do's and don'ts' and discuss them with your child.

Prevention is often better than cure and if you feel that your child is beginning to get out of control 'nip it in the bud' by distracting their attention on to a positive activity or game. It is often better to ignore minor behaviour difficulties, as your attention will often inadvertently encourage the very behaviour you want to stop.

Your baby will be very receptive to justice and fair play and to their opposites. He/she will immediately recognise inconsistency, therefore gently applied and consistent discipline will help your child to develop self-control and a conscience, which in turn will help with decision making in later life. It will also give the child a sense of responsibility towards others.

Controlling your anger

When tensions arise and you or your child become angry, take five minutes to cool down and ask yourself 'why am I getting angry'? Try to identify the real problem and then find a solution. Always control your anger. Never strike your child.

Research has shown that hitting your child does not work and does more harm than good. Smacking is not effective in reducing poor behaviour, as it does not teach children good behaviour.

Do not shout at your child in anger. If they break a rule tell them what they did wrong and why it made you angry. Be angry at what they did not at who they are. When you feel frustrated or angry let your feelings out safely away from your children. Try to go out for a walk. If possible, do not stay at home alone with your child when you are overwhelmed. Seek help and support if you feel you need it.

Tantrums

Toddlers between the ages of two and three often have temper tantrums, which is why you often hear people referring to the fact that their child is going through the 'terrible twos'. A tantrum will usually involve your child throwing him/herself on the floor, kicking and screaming.

Temper tantrums are a means of giving vent to frustration when a child does not get what they want. This is quite normal because your child does not have sufficient judgement to control their strength of will or the language to express him/herself clearly.

As their knowledge and experience of the world broadens, so the occasions when their will is pitched against yours will become less frequent. A tantrum may be brought on by feelings such as frustration, anger, jealously and dislike. Anger is brought on by not getting their own way; frustration by not being sufficiently strong or well co-ordinated to do what they want to do.

At home, an effective technique is simply to leave the room. Explain to your child that while you still love them you have to leave the room because you are getting angry. The best thing you can do is stay calm, since any attention on your part will only prolong the attack.

If your child has a tantrum in a public setting take them away to a quiet place without fuss and say 'we will stay here until you calm down and are ready to follow the rules'. Ignore the tantrums as long as your child is not hurting him/herself or damaging property.

Most tantrums will cease if your child receives no attention at all. Tantrums are your child's way of testing the limits of their environment and it can be a healthy lesson if they realise that this is not effective.

Strategies to prevent temper tantrums

• Prepare your child. Give five- and one-minute warnings for sitting down to eat, getting ready for bed, etc.

• Explain to your child what behaviour you expect from them in particular situations, i.e. when going shopping or attending a friend's birthday.

• Talk to your child when the tantrum ends about better ways to act and express feelings - be brief.