What is bereavement?

Bereavement means to be deprived by death.
What are the symptoms of Bereavement?
Symptoms of bereavement or mourning can include:

• A numb feeling
• Feeling angry
• Feeling sad
• Loss of energy
• Loss of appetite
• Sleeplessness

Rapid changes of mood

All these symptoms are a normal part of grieving. Sometimes they can become so severe that they are very disabling or they may persist for a very long time; you may then need some help to make you feel better.

Remember Grief is Normal
Most people when they are bereaved will experience an intense feeling of sorrow or grief. This is an important part of accepting your loss and while working through this grief may be very painful, it is very important so that you can get on with your life.

The Stages of Grief

• Everybody experiences grief differently. However there are some stages of grief that are experienced by most people. You may experience these at your own rate or in your own order.
• Many people will feel emotionally numb initially. This may last from hours to days or even longer. This numb phase often helps you get through the initial formalities that follow a death
• Your may experience a deep yearning for the person who has died. This may be accompanied by feeling agitated, angry, guilty or restless. You may dwell on arguments or things that you wish you had said.
• You may then start to feel intense sadness and start to withdraw from family or friends. You may have sudden outbursts of tears set off by memories
• After some time the pain, sadness and depression start to lessen. You start to see things in a positive light again.
• Finally you start to let go of the person who has died and you start to move on. Your sleep and energy start returning to normal

How long should grieving take?

This depends on you and your situation. It takes many people between one and two years to get over a major bereavement.

How can I Help myself?

Some practical things you can do might include:

• Discuss how you are feeling no matter what the feelings are.
• Get involved in a support group
• Seek help from family and friends. Often people are very anxious to help but do not know what you want them to do, so ask them to listen or whatever
• Avoid making major decisions- they increase your stress levels and when you are grieving you may not judge a situation as clearly as you normally would
• Give yourself time and space to grieve and accept the changes that have happened

How does grieving differ for children?

Children grieve in much the same way as adults but they will often progress through the stages more quickly. Most children understand death by about the age of 8years and may eve have some idea of what it means from as young as 2 or 3. Do not try to protect children from the death; it is often better to discuss with them how you are feeling and to encourage them to express how they are feeling. If possible, it is a good idea to prepare children for a death, which is imminent.

Am I at extra risk of ill health after a bereavement?

After a bereavement, you are more likely to suffer ill health. Deaths from suicide, cirrhosis of the liver, accidents and cardiovascular disease are all more common in the first 6 months after a bereavement. You are also more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety or insomnia. Drug and alcohol abuse become more common. Bereavement commonly interferes in our relationship with other family members, our work or school performance.

I don't seem to be able to move on from my grief. Why is this?

Some people find it more difficult to move on from their grief. Some people are more at risk of this and these include:

• Males
• People who have had several previous bereavements
• If you have a history of mental illness, such as depression or anxiety
• If you do not have supportive family or friends around
• If you suffer from low self esteem
• If you have had a dependent relationship with the person who has died or if you had negative or troubled feelings about the person who died

Some circumstances make grieving more difficult:

• Death of a parent when you are a child or adolescent
• Sudden or unexpected death
• Violent death
• Death due to suicide
• Miscarriage or death of a young baby
• Death which is followed by legal proceedings or media coverage
• More than one death at the time (e.g. as might happen in an accident)

When should I see my DOCTOR?

You should see your doctor if you think that your grief is abnormally prolonged or that you are totally unable to accept the loss even a period of time has passed. You may find that you have not started grieving and then it is important to seek help, so that you can start to move on.

Why should I see my DOCTOR?

• Your Doctor may talk to you about how you are feeling and discuss what stage of the grieving process you are at
• He may refer you to a counsellor or psychotherapist if he feels that you need more specialist help or that you need more time than is available in a busy GP's surgery
• He may be able to recommend a support group
• He may prescribe antidepressant tablets. These help many people to resolve their grief.
• If you are not sleeping, he may give you a prescription for sleeping tablets. These are not suitable for everyone and are potentially addictive and therefore should only be used for a few days

How can I help others?

• Spend time with your friends or family member who has been bereaved
• Listen to them work through their feelings
• Do practical things like the shopping or cooking dinner
• If you feel they are not improving, encourage them to get more professional help

Written by Medpages Editorial Team
Last Editorial Review: 15/1/2010